Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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