bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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