there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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