i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
