he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
