made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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