There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
50% drunk capacity currently
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
