Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
