The maid of honor just puked.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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