A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
