I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize