the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
