IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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