How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
