This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
