Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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