Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I supernannyed him into submission
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
