U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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