just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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