I've blown a few things in my day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
