i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
