I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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