in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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