Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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