it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
