I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
