I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
