yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
