well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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