i just had sex bonerless
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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