@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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