is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
