the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
