Small penises have feelings too.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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