I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
