The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
