when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
