The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
