I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
