Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
