you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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