Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I deserve this hangover.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
