I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
