My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
