I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize