i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
