help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
