I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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