Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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