She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
