Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
