The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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