put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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