I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
