Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize