When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize