We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
