he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
