ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
