My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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