I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
