i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
