I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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