Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
