the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
