another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
