I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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