no, he came in my armpit
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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