I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize